Friday, March 19, 2010

Thanks.


Many, many thanks to everyone who sent cards, posted, emailed, Facebooked, etc messages of condolence about my Lucy. I can't tell you how much they've meant to me. The past few weeks have been excrutiating. Thank God for my new job- going to work, learning new things, meeting new faces has been the highlight- total distraction. I love my new job anyways, but it's extra nice now because being at home is hard. Anxiety attacks (which blow into panic attacks), wallowing, crying, talking to my dead dogs...I got her ashes on Tuesday... it is so hard to believe that my beautiful greyhound is now a bag of ashes? How did that happen? I sit at night with it on my lap and think, "Good God, what happened? What happened, Lucy? How did this HAPPEN?" I mean- What was it? How come she couldn't breathe? Should I have waited to put her to sleep? Did she know what was happening? Just this mix of emotions... sadness, overwhelming depression, anger.



But then I learned that another local greyhound person lost her grey a few days after Lucy, from cancer, and he was only SIX, and I feel guilty going to pieces over an almost-14 year old with cancer, when her boy was so young... I shouldn't feel so guilty... I shouldn't be so mad about her death... she was old... at LEAST she wasn't six... why am I so worked up??

The boys are well. I posted a photo I took today (top) of them romping in the yard after work- the sun was setting so the color is awful- but they were very cute. It's so hard to say "the boys" now, so strange. Jack turned 3 yesterday believe it or not. He got some large beef knuckles to chew, and three Birthday Boy Spanks (don't worry, they are gentle!), and lots of kisses but I need to get him out this weekend for a hike. Clifford is his usual jolly, stinky self but the disc problems in his back have been bothering him quite a bit- he trips and "skips" on walks a lot- the Metacam seems to be losing it's helpfulness. Might have to try something else?

Anyway, I will post pictures of The Birthday Boy and his Big Bro this weekend, and hopefully a new linocut sketch (still trying to work up the muse for that one)- There are some people in this world who can take lemons and make lemonade- you know the saying- but I'm not one of them. But I'm trying to work up the inspiration to do a linocut celebrating Lucy, with the proceeds going back to her adoption group- a way to remember her by, and yet honor the group who rescued her- I just don't seem to have the energy to do anything positive- I want to lose myself at work or in a book (I guess on the upside I've read a lot of novels these past few weeks!). But this weekend I'm going to work on the sketch, I promise.

And so amigas and amigos... Thank you again for your kind thoughts. I think most of you I've never met in person and yet you've posted such comforting words on my blog, and even emailed me your phone numbers in case I needed a shoulder to cry on, or sent beautiful cards even though you never met Lucy in person- it's really amazing to me and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. They brought me some measure of comfort in this cloudy time.

I promise I'll post some Happy this weekend. Jack is eager to have some birthday pictures up, and of course Cliffy wants some face time too. They are both wonderful hounds! They will never be Lucy, but they are so special, in their own right.

Jen

5 comments:

Hiking Hounds said...

Happy Birthday to Jack! I'm glad he and Clifford are having fun together. I'm so sorry about everything you and Lucy went through at the end. I'm sure she knows you love her and she loves you too and wouldn't want you to feel like you didn't do your best. Take Care.

Navi said...

Hi, I am sorry to hear about Lucy, however, I would really appreciate if you would email me. I recently (3 days ago) adopted a Greyhound and have few questions and think you would be the best person to ask. Thank you.

Jen said...

Thank you, HH. Jack had a nice birthday (I think!) and Cliff enjoyed it too. They are great boys.

Navi- Thanks for popping in! I don't have your email address but if you post your questions to me, I can answer them the best I can...

Jen

Never Say Never Greyhounds said...

Oh, I hate to hear you in so much pain. I hope that the 10 days following this post have eased it some.

I've come to the conclusion that you fell guilty no matter what... guilty you waited too long, guilty you did it too soon (me with Travis). We decide what we do because we love them... there should be no guilt in that.

Lucky for Lucy, she only had one bad evening. The weeks leading up to it may have been a little uncomfortable, but she lived a long 14 years and didn't suffer any injuries or illnesses that caused severe pain for weeks, months, or even years. I know its a terrible memory for you, but it was just a bad few hours in 14 great years.

Hang in there as you get used to the new normal. Hug your boys.

Jen

Never Say Never Greyhounds said...

Well, I didn't mean to post that under a happy birthday post.... I just went through and read several of your posts, so I got mixed up on where I was.

Jen