Friday, March 19, 2010
Many, many thanks to everyone who sent cards, posted, emailed, Facebooked, etc messages of condolence about my Lucy. I can't tell you how much they've meant to me. The past few weeks have been excrutiating. Thank God for my new job- going to work, learning new things, meeting new faces has been the highlight- total distraction. I love my new job anyways, but it's extra nice now because being at home is hard. Anxiety attacks (which blow into panic attacks), wallowing, crying, talking to my dead dogs...I got her ashes on Tuesday... it is so hard to believe that my beautiful greyhound is now a bag of ashes? How did that happen? I sit at night with it on my lap and think, "Good God, what happened? What happened, Lucy? How did this HAPPEN?" I mean- What was it? How come she couldn't breathe? Should I have waited to put her to sleep? Did she know what was happening? Just this mix of emotions... sadness, overwhelming depression, anger.
But then I learned that another local greyhound person lost her grey a few days after Lucy, from cancer, and he was only SIX, and I feel guilty going to pieces over an almost-14 year old with cancer, when her boy was so young... I shouldn't feel so guilty... I shouldn't be so mad about her death... she was old... at LEAST she wasn't six... why am I so worked up??
The boys are well. I posted a photo I took today (top) of them romping in the yard after work- the sun was setting so the color is awful- but they were very cute. It's so hard to say "the boys" now, so strange. Jack turned 3 yesterday believe it or not. He got some large beef knuckles to chew, and three Birthday Boy Spanks (don't worry, they are gentle!), and lots of kisses but I need to get him out this weekend for a hike. Clifford is his usual jolly, stinky self but the disc problems in his back have been bothering him quite a bit- he trips and "skips" on walks a lot- the Metacam seems to be losing it's helpfulness. Might have to try something else?
Anyway, I will post pictures of The Birthday Boy and his Big Bro this weekend, and hopefully a new linocut sketch (still trying to work up the muse for that one)- There are some people in this world who can take lemons and make lemonade- you know the saying- but I'm not one of them. But I'm trying to work up the inspiration to do a linocut celebrating Lucy, with the proceeds going back to her adoption group- a way to remember her by, and yet honor the group who rescued her- I just don't seem to have the energy to do anything positive- I want to lose myself at work or in a book (I guess on the upside I've read a lot of novels these past few weeks!). But this weekend I'm going to work on the sketch, I promise.
And so amigas and amigos... Thank you again for your kind thoughts. I think most of you I've never met in person and yet you've posted such comforting words on my blog, and even emailed me your phone numbers in case I needed a shoulder to cry on, or sent beautiful cards even though you never met Lucy in person- it's really amazing to me and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. They brought me some measure of comfort in this cloudy time.
I promise I'll post some Happy this weekend. Jack is eager to have some birthday pictures up, and of course Cliffy wants some face time too. They are both wonderful hounds! They will never be Lucy, but they are so special, in their own right.